Contraction and disconnection are the antithesis to a life of bloom and flight.
Or perhaps a reflective moment for recalibration...
I feel the grip of contraction in my body, as it slithers like a lovers hand up my torso.
My gut clenches, my heart goes numb, and the contraction grips, blocks and sets in my throat.
A sense of feeling adrift in the mind sea.
Directionless, powerless, anxious.
From here I enter, disconnection.
My disconnection presents as avoidance and non engagement.
It turns into muteness.
Laced with the undertone of wanting to do something, but not knowing what that something is. Nor how to express it. In sets the stagnation and stillness.
It becomes so uncomfortable that movement begins to stir again. The pushing against the cocoon to break and allow some sunlight back in.
And so, once again.
Re emergence through another cycle. Ebbs and flows of life.
I try my best to be aware of this stillness and not fear it. As I know that this too shall pass. But it’s still a lot to sit and hold myself through at times. And at times I struggle in the dance of resistance and surrender.
What’s important for me is minimising my stay in this gap, loop, cycle.
Being open to knowing it has a role to play in my life, in this moment. It may not be entirely clear. But it will reveal itself, for I’ve been here before.
So here is what I retreat to...
A Ritual and Grounding Practise.
Being Intentional with the first three things I do every day, with one of them being movement and dance.
I consciously close out each day out before going to sleep.
For doing these acts are my Ritual.
They are my anchor, which allows my creativity and eros to once again regenerate and take off like a feather in the wind.
Oh, hello there, contraction.
Welcome back to my sense of disconnect.
My dear old friends.